Already got asked if we're dating
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize