I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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