There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
