That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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