Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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