My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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