I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
