I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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