we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
