Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize