i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
