They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
