omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
