Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize