this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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