I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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