it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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