There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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