That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
