just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
