No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
