If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
