great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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