So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
