Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
