i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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