And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
