The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize