is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
