I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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