im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
