yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
