can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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