I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
