Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
