I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
