I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
