It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
