Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
