Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
