he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
