she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
