i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
