Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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