He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize