I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
