so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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