And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
