Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
