Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
