Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
