chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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