A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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