i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
