some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize