why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
