Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
