it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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