Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
