i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
