dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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