Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
