haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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