I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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