Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize