FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
