i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
