Whod you bang
Kiss
Puke
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need to stop coming to work sober
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
