At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
