You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
