i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
